Seasons Holidays has always been time of sadness for me. One more year I will pass this period alone with no taste for celebration. I took me years of introspection to understand reasons for ‘Seasons Grievings’..
You called me ‘Boomer’, the boom is not on me: I have been landed by parents breaking up with traditions of Bourgeoisie and finding in post WWII resolution, not only freedom but ‘Party time’. They jumped over the hedge and made children as my stubborn cat is doing. They did not jump one time, getting ‘no Satisfaction, and trying, and trying’…
I still can watch “Home Alone 1”, with pleasure, not because of the story line but because it crystalizes this snowy polarized warm and comfortable family shell I never got.
As a fate, I could not give comfort to those I love, I left behind me a trail of affective failures and disability to express my feelings. I still thrive to keep intimacy with my son.
Never ‘spoiled Brat’ have been so appropriate: wasted childhood, unbalanced teen ages and unaccomplished journey as rebellious escape to digust I kept for a world that did not accept me.
I keep my heart warm with a Fairy Tale starring my Mum and her father; I like this picture taken before I born sharing something that they have been unable to transmit.
When winter comes, I always feel missing Noordzee. Is it childhood or something else? I saw many seas and oceans, this one is strorming in my heart.; so close to verses of Charles Baudelaire with whom I share so many feelings.
Here from Les Fleurs du mal (Flowers of Evil):
‘L’Homme et la Mer”
‘Homme libre, toujours tu chériras la mer! La mer est ton miroir; tu contemples ton âme Dans le déroulement infini de sa lame, Et ton esprit n’est pas un gouffre moins amer. Tu te plais à plonger au sein de ton image; Tu l’embrasses des yeux et des bras, et ton coeur Se distrait quelquefois de sa propre rumeur Au bruit de cette plainte indomptable et sauvage. Vous êtes tous les deux ténébreux et discrets: Homme, nul n’a sondé le fond de tes abîmes; Ô mer, nul ne connaît tes richesses intimes, Tant vous êtes jaloux de garder vos secrets! Et cependant voilà des siècles innombrables Que vous vous combattez sans pitié ni remords, Tellement vous aimez le carnage et la mort, Ô lutteurs éternels, ô frères implacables!’
‘Free man, you shall forever cherish the vast sea, The sea, that image where you contemplate your soul As everlastingly its mighty waves unroll. Your mind a yawning gulf seasoned as bitterly.
You love to plunge into your image to the core, Embracing it with eyes and arms; your very heart Sometimes finds a distraction from its urgent smart In the wild sea’s untamable and plaintive roar.
Both of you live in darkness and in mystery: Man, who has ever plumbed the far depths of your being? O Sea, who knows your private hidden riches, seeing How strange the secrets you preserve so jealously?
And yet for countless ages you have fought each other With hands unsparing and with unforbearing breath, Each an eternal foe to his relentless brother, So avid are you both of slaughter and of death.’
I prepared this, so much what it said here, matches what I keep repeating in void for years. « Professor » targets here European Central Bank…small players compared to what the « FED » is doing everyday. Western Economies are “paper economies” Real wealth belongs to those who owe commodities.
The all Geo-politics is about control of commodities.
“I am a part of the part that at first was all, part of the darkness that gave birth to the light, that supercilious light which now disputes with Mother Night her ancient rank and space, and yet cannot succeed; no matter how it struggles, it sticks to matter and cannot get free.
“Better days will never be Better days will never be Better days will never be Now what does this mean It means we get the best scenes When politics talk, the ends of power meet Nice to be wanted, safe and protected The ends of power when politics talk Better days will never be Better days will never be Better days will never be Better days will never be Home sweet home, home, home Now Let’s talk politics Every dog has it’s day For me (for me) I don’t believe (I don’t believe in anything) Better days ahead (one more war) Will never be (I do believe no more) I don’t believe in (no long goodbye) Anything (nuclear day) Better days will never be Better days will never be Better days will never be Spare no man, match bomb for bomb War, all is fair in war When the ground is soft with hot blood Spare no man Better days will never be (match bomb for bomb) A scorched Earth (flatten the Earth, this home sweet home) No charity (burn evreything, from lust to dust) No weak pity (no charity, no weak pity) From lust to dust (all is fair in war) Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home Home sweet home”